We haven’t had the best moments in life in awhile . . But we talked thru some of it… and i do admit i feel much better now =3 seriously . . its either i had enuf sleep or i actually feel better ^@^ i feel like everything seems a lil more bright and clear . . =) and i feel more assured that we are both doing ok~ I love him so much but its so insane how emotions can do such damage ;( ~ its like a love hate relationship~ i can’t love him unless i hate him for some things~ balance~
i even noticed he has been trying for us~ gnawwwwhhh but i was too sad to really appreciate it… after talking thru only i realised how he has been trying in certain ways… not as extravagant than i expected but . . awh =’3 … i do jelly stories of his ex… like how much he did and stuff. . but if he says he loves me most then i guess thts all tht matters ~ i should start writing in my diary again … jus cuz i havent exactly been exercising my fingers lately … so i should… lol totally off topic XD ~
He does know me in some ways =3… i know he’s not perfect . . as long as he doesn’t give up on trying yeah? ^@^ … I’ve always kept wanting him to love me more and show me how much he loves me more than his ex’s . . i admit i’m feeling insecure … in a way~ despite how much he is trying to sayang me . . i still needed that once in awhile spectacular spark . . not sure if i’m being a high maintanence princess or wat… but wat am i to do =( im also trying my best to show him my love …
i feel like this has an opposite role ya noe… like in the beginning of the chase the guys wud do everything to try and kao the girl . . but after he gets her he probably slows down on the ” impression” part and after a long time the guy wud jus not be bothered anymore… and tht’s when the spark goes down . . while on the other hand when the girl is being chased after she wont do much but instead watch and see the guys every mistake LOLOLOLOL~ but after they get together she loves him to death~ *i said some yeah . . this is jus theory for a particular situation* and she wud be the one trying in the relationship . . like as if she’s trying to win his heart by doing anything and everything she can . . but when the guy slowly thinks like awh so sweet but doesnt show the love and appreciation of the girls expectation she will start to get upset and sometimes hurt …and hurt can really change ppl . . the way they will start to treat u and the aura in the relationship. . so yeah . . i don’t have a point here … hahahhaha i’m jus stating out from my experience ~ =3 ~~~ Its good that i brought it up to him … we don’t need apologies but jus understanding to each others feelings… since even after 6 months together we dont have tht deep feeling connection . . we’re jus like and outside sweet cpl . . not emotionally connected other than by love . . but cuz of the talk we had we are progressing . . i jus hope he doesnt get BLAH by deep talks…
but he’s gon want us to work . . he’s gon have to change that… if not… it just means he’s not willing to improve . . these changes arent a bad thing. . eventually he will hav to go thru this… its whether he’s ready to grow up and willing to learn more . . and be better . .
you have to choose on how you wanna be built at some certain time. . you can’t be a kid forever … ppl change as they grow . . I never realised how much i’ve grown already . . its kinda surreal . . the fact tht on what i used to be and who i am now and how i think . . writing things out really helps too … and im fucking hungry @.@ lol tata for now
